I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
