im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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