dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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