I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
