I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
