My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
