the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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