i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
