Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
