I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
