you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
