final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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