Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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