i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's always time for handjobs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
