Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
