She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
