so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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