I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
