i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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