Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
