My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
