So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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