you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
