____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
