fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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