new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
