She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
