We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
