How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
