Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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