even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
