I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
