i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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