i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
