I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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