Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
