My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
