Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
