First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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