I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
