I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
