Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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