Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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