Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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