Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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