Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
