i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
