Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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