if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
