When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
