I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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